Unfortunately, a lot of people simply do not know what they're doing. Driving down the street, shopping at the supermarket, or speaking to one out of five random people is proof enough of that. It gets worse with games. Some folks who purchase Unreal Tournament 2003 on a recommendation or looking for the pretty and nothing more run around this blazingly fast FPS paying no attention to etiquette and the teamwork necessitations the game demands. Instead, these legions of pure cannon fodder sling rockets every which way often times getting themselves killed in the process and always aggravating the hell out of everyone. Like a lot of the world's problems, this is due largely to a profound lack of education. So here I am, yardstick in hand and ready to teach. And to think, all my teachers thought I'd amount to a dropout, at best. Suckers!

I'll bet you're wondering what exactly can be said about a multiplayer-centric game. I was wondering the same thing. It turns out there's a whole lot to talk about. Not much of it is really important (a game like this more requires a firm, first-hand grasp of map layout and weapon effectiveness than book knowledge). For starters -- and finishers -- Unreal Tournament 2003 does have maps, modes, weapons, and cheats that need to be talked about. There's plenty to learn, even if practice is all that will make perfect. Read on through these sections to give yourself an Unreal edge and that extra bit of know-how that will hopefully lead to an extra bit of performance and a lot a bit of wins.

Also note that you cannot use a bulk of these on someone else's server, so don't even bother tying it. And, for the love of all that is holy, don't include the colon in the listed commands and please also make sure to put press the spacebar when necessary (all those that require a variable be set).

To activate these commands you must first start the game and then bring down the console by pressing ~ or the tilde key, as it's known to us computer technician expert guys (it's that thing you never use just under the ESC key). Get ready, it's a really freaking long list...

Add Bots *: Replace the asterisk with a number to add bots of that number to the map.

AllAmmo: Infinite ammunition.

Amphibious: Breathe underwater.

BehindView *: Replace the asterisk with either a 0 or a 1 to switch to a first and third-person perspective respectively.

Brightness *: Replace the asterisk with a number to change the brightness to that amount.

CDTrack *: Replace the asterisk with the number of the CD track you'd like played.

ChangeSize #: Switch out the number sign with a number less than or greater than one to decrease and increase the size of players accordingly. Don't go too high or too low. It's bad.

CheatView *: Replace the asterisk with the name of a player to jump to the view of that player.

ConfigHash: View all that nifty configuration information.

Contrast *: Replace the asterisk with a number to change the contrast to that amount.

DemoRec *: Replace the asterisk with a name and a demo of the current play will be recorded with that name.

Disconnect: Quite the server you are connected to.

Exit: Quit the game.

Fly: Become Super-Man.

FOV *: Replace the asterisk with a number to change the field of view to that number (essential with multi monitor displays).

FreeCamera *: Replace the asterisk with a True or a False to turn on and off the locked camera rotation on a player.

FreezeFrame *: Replace the asterisk with a floating point number to set how long a game will pause for.

Gamma *: Replace the asterisk with a number to change the gamma to that number.

Ghost: No Clip.

God: Invincibility.

Invisible *: Replace the asterisk with a True or a False to turn on and off invisibility.

JumpMatch ##: Skip to a ladder and ring in solo play. Replace the number signs with the corresponding number for the ladder and map. The first number sign is for the ladder and the other one is for the map.

KillAll *: Replace the asterisk with the name of a class to kill everything of that class.

KillAllPawns *: Replace the asterisk with the name of a class to kill all the bots of that class.

KillBots: Dust all those pesky automatons.

KillPawns: Kill characters.

KillViewedActor: Kills the character the camera is locked to.

Loaded: All Weapons.

LockCamera: Keeps the camera fixed where it is.

Mem Stat: This will show the current memory use of Windows.

MusicOrder *: Replace the asterisk with a number between 0 and 3 to escalate the song from mellow to intense to suspenseful.

Open *: Replace the asterisk with an IP address to connect to a server with that IP address. Additionally, you can replace the asterisk with a map name to open that map.

PauseSounds: Halts all sound.

PlayersOnly: Kicks bots out of a level.

Quit: Exit the game.

SetGravity *: Replace the asterisk with a floating point number to set how much gravity is in a map.

SetJumpz *: Replace the asterisk with a floating point number to set how high a jump can go.

SetSpeed *: Replace the asterisk with a floating point number to multiply how fast a player moves by the number designated.

SkipMatch: Skip to the next match in solo play.

SloMo #: Slow Motion. Replace the number sign with a number value between 0.1 and 2.0, the latter being the fastest.

Stat All: This command will display all statistics.

Stat FPS: Turn your framerate readout on and off.

Stat Game: This will show all of the game's statistics.

Stat Net: Check out those all important online stats.

Stat None: Disables all statistics.

StopDemo: This command stops the currently recording demo.

Suicide: Go out the honorable way, chump.

Summon *: Replace the asterisk with an item to create.

Teleport: Beam me up. It sends you to where you're looking.

ToggleFullScreen: Switches between full screen and windowed modes.

UnPauseSounds: Reverses the PauseSounds command.

ViewBot: Fix the camera to the various bots.

ViewFlag: Check out what the flag sees.

ViewPlayer *: Replace the asterisk with the name of a player to view that player.

ViewSelf *: Replace the asterisk with a True or a False in conjunction with this command to put the camera back on the player and keep the sound on or off.

Walk: Disables no clip and fly modes.